these are the words of a person who feels it has no reason to live, that death would be easier for those "close" to it
this is not a suicide note, in fact the person very much, egotistically, clings to a life it feels it doesn't deserve
it experiences the joys, the people, the intrigues, of living, and pathetically dodges what it can see as its own future
one which it believe it has none

the fact that it writes these words, is a proof of its greed
its ego and selfishness to live on
it hopes in immortalising these words, words it cannot dare convey to any individual, but wishes to be seen by anyone anyway
is proof to its pathetic, egotistical, will to live